


Sirius's Furry Little Problem

by Keep_Calm_And_Expecto_Patronum, ruthsic



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bad Poetry, Bad Puns, Baking, Established Relationship, Fluff, Homophobia, Humor, M/M, Marauders, Nudity, Rabbits, dad jokes, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-06
Updated: 2019-04-30
Packaged: 2020-02-10 07:22:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18655681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Keep_Calm_And_Expecto_Patronum/pseuds/Keep_Calm_And_Expecto_Patronum, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ruthsic/pseuds/ruthsic
Summary: Sirius Black is many things, but a romantic is not one of them. But as he and Remus are about to celebrate their first Valentine’s Day together, he’s determined to pull out all the stops and get his boyfriend the best gift ever. Of course, these things are always easier said than done.Who’d have thought telling someone how much you love them was such hard work?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written as part of the [ Wolfstar Big Bang Fest 2019](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/WolfstarBigBang2019), thank you guys for organising this! Story inspired by [ Ruthsic’s ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ruthsic/profile)artwork (see chapter 5).
> 
> A huge thank you to my beta’s [ OllieMaye ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/OllieMaye/pseuds/OllieMaye) and [ BrandonStrayne ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrandonStrayne/pseuds/BrandonStrayne), you guys always push me to do better and I’m eternally grateful for that!

Sirius Black was many things: Prankster. Marauder. Gryffindor. The hottest guy in his year (and that wasn’t merely an opinion but an empirical fact, according to Moony). He was a dab hand at Transfiguration and a shameless Mugglephile. He had been accused of being a bit of an insensitive git at times—and he would be the first to admit that was true—but above all else, he was unabashedly crazy in love with one Remus John Lupin. Yes, Sirius Black was all of these things and much more.

 

But a romantic?

 

“You’re having a laugh,” he scoffed.

 

“I’m serious!” said James. “Look, I get it, you’re not the romantic type, but Moony will be expecting you to do _something_ for Valentine’s Day.”

 

James and Sirius walked slowly up the path from Hogwarts towards the nearby village of Hogsmeade, their feet slipping every so often on the soft muddy trail. Sirius looked uncertainly at his best friend.

 

“You really think so?” he asked.

 

“I know so,” said James. “I heard him and Lily talking about it last night in the library. He said that since it’s your first Valentine’s together as a couple, he wanted to get something extra-special for you to celebrate.”

 

“Really?” asked Sirius interestedly. “Did he say what he’s got me?”

 

“He did,” James laughed, “But I’m not telling you.”

 

“Come on, Prongs, at least give me a clue!” Sirius implored, but James refused.

 

“Rather than wasting your time guessing what Moony has got for you, you ought to think about what kind of gift you’re going to get him,” he suggested lightly.

 

“Oh, I don’t know. I’m going to need some time to think about it—hold up! What were you doing in the library?” asked Sirius accusingly.

 

“Studying, if you must know,” he replied defensively. “Not all of us can coast on natural ability alone, Padfoot. Besides, if I want to have any chance in hell at getting a place at the Auror Academy, I need to ace Potions this year.”

 

“Ah, so your late night study sessions with Evans isn’t just a thinly-veiled excuse to get a shag?” Sirius winked licentiously at James, who rolled his eyes.

 

“No, we actually do study together,” he replied irritably. “Unlike you, I’m capable of sitting with my significant other for more than a few minutes without wanting to jump their bones.”

 

“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” smirked Sirius.

 

“We’re getting slightly off-topic here,” said James. “We’re going to go into Hogsmeade today and find you a decent gift for Moony. And it better be something romantic, not like the stuff you usually give each other.”

 

Sirius frowned. A romantic gift? This was unfamiliar territory for him.

 

It had been a few months since Sirius and Remus had officially started dating, but their relationship hadn’t changed all that much: they didn’t buy each other flowers or recite poetry to one another, and the gifts that they had exchanged had been of a more humorous nature than anything of romantic intent. On Remus’s last birthday, Sirius had gifted him a handsome dragon-leather dog collar and then, for Christmas, he had given Remus a box of ‘Formula ‘D’ Flea’ powder. ‘For your furry little problem’, he had joked. Remus had not been amused by that particular gift. But his boyfriend gave as good as he got: for Sirius’ birthday, Remus had gifted him a dog grooming kit, which Sirius would never admit actually came in handy. And his last Christmas present had been particularly devious...

 

_Remus handed over a large box of Honeydukes finest chocolates to Sirius, a placid smile on his face._

 

_“Merry Christmas, Pads,” he said serenely. Sirius grinned broadly at him._

 

_“Now, Moony, you know that chocolate is bad for dogs,” he joked. He tore the lid off of the box and stared hungrily at the delectable treats. “But you know that I like things that are bad for me so...carpe diem!”_

 

_Sirius plucked a large piece of chocolate from the centre of the box and popped it into his mouth, expecting there to be a soft, chewy texture, but when he sank his teeth into the confection, there was an unexpected crunch. Sirius chewed slowly, trying to figure out what on earth he was eating as a wicked grin spread across Remus’s normally placid face._

 

_“This tastes...weird,” mumbled Sirius through a mouthful of food. He eyed Remus suspiciously. “Did you tamper with this?”_

 

_Remus grinned as he pulled from behind his back a box of dog biscuits. “I may have made some slight improvements.”_

 

After Sirius had chased a howling Remus around the Gryffindor Common Room for a few minutes, he had seen the funny side to the prank.

 

But now James was telling him that his usual prank gifts weren’t going to be up to scratch. Worse still, Remus was himself planning something ‘extra-special’ to celebrate the occasion. Sirius thought about what kind of gift he should get Remus and felt a stab of panic as his mind drew a complete blank.

 

“Urgh, I’m no good at this kind of thing,” he despaired. “What am I going to do?”

 

“Not to worry, Pads!” James patted him jovially on the back. “I’ll help you find the perfect gift. I am a veritable Casanova, after all.”

 

Sirius snorted, “Oh yes, pining after Evans for the last three years until she lost the plot and decided that you were boyfriend material after all. Please, tell me your secrets of seduction!”

 

“Do you want my help finding a gift or not?” James grumbled.

 

“Yes, please,” he smirked.

 

“Alright,” James nodded, a look of determination fixed on his face. “So, where to first?”

 

They stood at the top of the hill overlooking the long row of village shops, students and locals milling along the street enjoying a rare bit of winter sunshine. Each shop was taking advantage of the upcoming festivities and was touting Valentine-themed wares in their display windows. James nodded in the direction of Zonko’s Joke Shop which had a display of fireworks in the shop window.

 

“What about fireworks?” he suggested. “Those ones spell out the name of your Valentine.”

 

Sirius, however, was quick to dismiss this idea. “I don’t think he’d appreciate that, mate. Canines like myself and Moony don’t like loud noises.”

 

“Fair enough, that’s a no to fireworks. How about…” James nodded towards Madam Puddifoot's. “Afternoon tea? I’m thinking about taking Lily there, we could make it a double date!”

 

Sirius scrunched up his nose at the idea. “Do Moony and I look like a doilies-and-frills type of couple? I’d be better off taking him to The Three Broomsticks for a pint at this rate.”

 

“How romantic,” James replied dryly.

 

They wandered up and down the street, in and out of shops, in search of the perfect gift, but coming up empty-handed. Sirius proceeded to shoot down every suggestion that James threw at him. What about a book? Moony loves poetry. No, that was too boring. What about buying him some nice clothes from Gladrags Wizardwear? Certainly not, Moony would take offence at Sirius spending too much money on him. After Sirius scoffed at James’s suggestion that he should buy Remus a personalised stationery set, he stopped dead in his tracks and glowered at Sirius.

 

“Well, since all my ideas are rubbish, what do you suggest?” he asked, sounding frustrated.

 

Sirius sighed and stared helplessly up and down the street, peering into the shop windows but seeing nothing that sparked his interest, “I suppose I could always get him chocolates from Honeydukes. But that’s not very special, or funny.”

 

“Oh yes, I’m sure what Moony desires more than anything else in the world is another one of your pranks,” James joked.

 

“What’s wrong with my pranks?” asked Sirius defensively.

 

“Nothing, I think you’re hilarious. But it’s not really in the spirit of the occasion to prank your Valentine, is it?”

 

“Well, what are you getting Lily, since you’re such an expert?” he grumbled.

 

“Come on and I’ll show you,” said James, pulling Sirius by the elbow in the direction of the post office.

 

While James approached the counter to speak to the clerk, Sirius waited by the door admiring the many hundreds of owls who sat perched on colour-coded shelves, each waiting to deliver letters and parcels up and down the country. He’d always been rather fond of birds and somewhat envious of their ability to fly. If his Animagus form hadn’t taken that of a dog, he was certain it would have been something of a feathered variety. After a few minutes, James hurried back towards Sirius carrying a long, rectangular box. Sirius eyed it curiously.

 

“What’s that?” he asked.

 

“Not here, I’ll show you back up at the castle.” James slipped the box deep inside his cloak and out of sight. Having given up their search for a gift, they headed back up to the castle. James waited until they were back in the seclusion of the boys’ dormitory before pulling the gift out from his cloak again.

 

“I had it sent to the post office rather than the Great Hall. That way, I could keep it a surprise from Lily,” he explained, carefully unwrapping the brown paper and removing the cardboard lid from the box. Sirius peered inside the box and frowned.

 

“Well, that’s a little underwhelming,” he mused as James lifted a single tiger lily flower from the box and inspected it closely, twirling its long stem between his forefinger and thumb.

 

“It’s perfect,” smiled James.

 

“For what, exactly?” asked Sirius. “I’m assuming that there’s something more to this than meets the eye?”

 

“Well, obviously this isn’t the finished product. I’m going to have to spend some time transfiguring it. But when it’s finished…” James carefully placed the lily back into the box and replaced the lid. “It’s going to look pretty spectacular.”

 

The dormitory door creaked open and James quickly hid the box behind his back, then visibly relaxed when he realised that it was only Remus who had entered the room and not his girlfriend. Remus, however, stopped dead in his tracks when he caught sight of Sirius. He quickly fixed a smile to his face and tried not-too-subtly to hide a large bag beneath his cloak.

 

“Afternoon, lads,” he greeted them as he beelined for his trunk. “How was your shopping trip?”

 

“A roaring success!” lied Sirius, clapping James on the shoulder. “Prongs has got Evans the most original gift imaginable for Valentine’s Day. Can you guess what it is?”

 

“It wouldn’t be lilies, would it?” asked Remus lightly, stuffing the mysterious bag into the bottom of his trunk and out of sight. James glowered at his friends.

 

“Give me some bloody credit, I’m not just giving her flowers,” he grumbled. “I actually try and make an effort with my gifts, unlike some people…”

 

Sirius ignored the jab directed at him and eyed Remus’ secretive behaviour with interest. “What’s that you’ve got there, Moony?”

 

“Nothing for you,” he teased, slamming the lid of his trunk shut before casting a locking charm on it for good measure. Rising to his feet, he smiled at the pair and nodded in the direction of the stairwell. “Wormtail’s thinking about sending a Valentine-gram to Emmeline Vance. He’s sitting in the common room at the moment getting his wand in a right knot trying to figure out what to say to her.”

 

James raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Emmeline Vance? Merlin, I think Wormtail’s punching above his weight a bit where she’s concerned.”

 

Remus shrugged. “I’m not privy to who Emmeline spends her time with, but Wormy seems pretty determined to declare his undying love for her. I think he might need our help.”

 

“Poetry is more your area of expertise, Moony,” James pointed out, stowing the cardboard box at the very top of his trunk. Sirius’s ears pricked up at that comment and Remus laughed.

 

“I like reading it, but that doesn’t mean that I’m any good at writing it!” he argued. “Still, I think we should try giving Wormtail a hand...he seemed pretty desperate when I spoke to him.”

 

“Alright,” sighed James, relenting. “At the very least it’ll give us a laugh.”

 

Sirius followed James and Remus down the spiral staircase towards the common room, feeling a little irritated at James’s insinuation that he wasn’t making an effort. James might think that he was not capable of taking anything seriously—on the contrary, if there was one thing that he did take seriously, it was his feelings about Remus. His determination to make his best mate eat his words was only matched by his desire to find a gift worthy of his beloved beau. He smiled to himself as an idea for the perfect Valentine’s gift began to take form in his mind.

 

Oh yes, this was going to be the best Valentine’s Day ever.


	2. Chapter 2

Lily Evans ambled into the library, her arms laden with Potions books. James strolled beside her, chatting animatedly as he carried his own pile of books and parchment. When James had approached Lily a few months prior, requesting help with his Potions N.E.W.T.s, she had initially thought that it was another lame attempt on his part to get her attention and affections. Perhaps it had been a little, but over time he had proven himself to be hardworking, conscientious and funny. Yes, the same James Potter who she had dismissed as little more than an attention-seeking toe-rag had come back to Hogwarts that year with a Head Boy badge and a newfound maturity that had finally won her affections. She couldn’t deny that he was easy on the eyes, either. Lily glanced at James and smiled at him, for no other reason than because she was happy to be in his company, but as her gaze drifted towards a table in the far corner of the room, she stopped dead in her tracks and stared.

 

“Is...is that Sirius over there?”

 

James scoffed, “Don’t be daft! In all my years, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him in here.”

 

“Well, then who’s that over there?” she asked. James followed Lily’s line of sight and gaped. Sure enough, there was Sirius hunched over a table with several sheets of parchment in front of him, scribbling furiously.

 

“Merlin’s beard,” James whispered. “Is he _studying?”_

 

They both hurried over to Sirius’s table to see what on earth he was doing. Lily dropped her pile of books onto the table with a loud _thud_ , causing Sirius to jump in fright. He looked up with an expression of mild panic, then immediately relaxed when he saw who it was.

 

“Oh, it’s just you two,” he sighed. “I was worried there for a moment that you were Moony.”

 

“What are you doing in the library?” asked James, slipping into the empty seat next to Sirius. “Get lost on your way to the kitchens?”

 

“Oh, haha,” he replied sarcastically, tossing his quill onto the table. “I’ll have you know that I’m taking on board what you said about making an effort for Valentine's Day and writing Moony a poem.”

 

Lily and James glanced at each other in surprise. As if finding Sirius in the library wasn’t strange enough, he was now attempting to write poetry professing his love for Remus. Next thing, he’d be saying he was best mates with Snivellus.

 

“A poem?” asked Lily interestedly. She gave Sirius an expectant look. “Well, give us a look, then.”

 

Sirius hesitated. “I’ve not finished it yet, it’s still a little rough…”

 

“I don’t mind. Go on, let me read it,” she pleaded. Sirius relented and slid the parchment across the table towards Lily, who picked it up and began to read aloud.

 

 _“To my dearest Moony, Every day I wake up feeling like I’ve drunk Felix Felicis. I’m the luckiest man in the world to have you in my life...”_ she looked up from the parchment and gave Sirius an appraising look. “Oh Sirius, this is lovely! _I solemnly swear to love you until the end of time. No joke, I’m dead Sirius about that. You are my fantastic beast, my moon and stars. I want to Slytherin between your legs and…”_ she fell silent and her eyes widened with shock as she read the next line. Screwing up her nose in disgust, she tossed the parchment back at him. “Sirius Black, that is disgusting!”

 

“What?” he replied innocently. “He loves it when I do that!”

 

“Too much information!” Lily protested. James snatched up the parchment and read aloud the next line of the lewd poem.

 

 _“You’re so hot that you don’t need Accio to make me come._ Wow, Percival Pratt, eat your heart out,” he smirked.

 

“Yes, I thought that line was particularly inspired,” Sirius preened, pleased with himself. Lily, however, looked unamused.

 

“You can’t give that to Remus as a gift,” she said. Sirius’ smile fell.

 

“Why not?” he asked hotly.

 

“Well, I suppose it’s funny to some,” she cast a disparaging look at James who was still giggling to himself as he read the rest of the poem. “But it’s not very romantic, is it?”

 

“Oh for the love of Godric, Evans, can’t you see that I’m trying my best?” he cried, drawing a sharp, disapproving look from the librarian, Madam Pince. Sirius lowered his voice. “I never claimed to be a poet, but I know Moony; he’ll appreciate the humour even if you don’t.”

 

“He reads Keats and Shelley, for Merlin’s sake, not bloody Walt Whitman!” she pointed out irritably.

 

“I don’t know who that is, but he sounds very talented!” Sirius huffed, gathering up his parchment and snatching the poem out of James’ hands before marching out of the library and away from his prying friends.

 

Sirius marched all the way back to the boys’ dormitory, discarding the rolls of parchment onto his bedside table before flopping down onto his bed. He stared up at the red velvet canopy of his four-poster bed, feeling discouraged. He was annoyed at Lily for being so dismissive of his writing. _What the hell does she know?_ he thought angrily to himself. She acted as though she knew Remus better than he did! Sirius sat upright suddenly, righteous indignation rising up in him. _Lily would do well to mind her own business,_ he told himself. Remus was his boyfriend, after all, not hers.

 

He looked over at Remus’s bed, which was to the left of his own, and saw a book sitting on the bedside table. Remus was always reading something, but Sirius didn’t often ask him what he was reading. Curious, Sirius grabbed the book off of the table he turned it over in his hands, admiring the portrait of the handsome, dark-haired man that adorned the front cover. Sirius smiled to himself, he couldn’t help but think that the author looked a little bit like him—clearly Moony had a type. The gold script font bore the title “Complete Works by Percy Bysshe Shelley”. It wasn’t a name that he recognised, but he opened the book at the place where Remus had placed his bookmark and read a few lines from the poem within:

 

_“The sunlight claps the earth, and the moonbeams kiss the sea: what are all these kissings worth, if thou kiss not me?”_

 

Sirius sighed and slipped the bookmark back inside the page and carefully placed the book back where he had found it. He picked up the parchment where he had scrawled his own paltry attempt at poetry and grimaced. Lily was right: he was no Shelley. Merlin, he wasn’t even on par with William McGonagall and his poems were terrible. Gathering up the many drafts of the poem he’d poured his heart and soul into, he scrunched the parchment into a ball and tossed it into the waste paper bin.

 

Suddenly, there was a polite knock at the door. Sirius looked up and saw Lily standing at the door, looking sheepish.

 

“Hey,” she greeted him gently. “Can I come in?”

 

Sirius merely shrugged in response as he was still too miffed to speak to her. Lily stepped into the room and closed the door quietly behind her before sitting next to him.

 

“Are you alright?” she asked.

 

“Couldn’t be better,” he replied sarcastically. “What do you want, Evans?”

 

“I came to say that I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings,” she said sincerely. “I didn’t mean to. I know you probably put a lot of effort into that poem.”

 

“Yeah, I did, actually,” he replied irritably. He gave a careless shrug. “It doesn’t matter, it was rubbish.”

 

“No it wasn’t,” Lily argued, patting his shoulder. “It was good! Really good!” Sirius raised an eyebrow at her and she relented, “Okay, it wasn’t my cup of tea, but I’m sure Remus will love it.”

 

Sirius sighed and shook his head. “Nah, you were right. If I’m going to give the love of my life a gift on Valentine’s Day, I need to step up my game.”

 

Lily smiled warmly at him. “The love of your life, eh?”

 

“Absolutely,” he replied unabashedly. “I do want to get something great for him, but...well, I’m not very good at this sort of thing...at expressing all of these fluffy feelings and shit.”

 

Lily snorted at Sirius’ succinct expression of his emotions and he gave her a weak smile. He hadn’t exactly been over the moon when James had started dating Lily. While he was happy for his friend, he was worried that James would start spending all of his free time with his new belle and his friends, who had been there for each other through thick and thin, would get sidelined. He’d seen the same thing happen too often with other guys who suddenly got girlfriends. But, although James did spend more time with Lily, she had made an effort to get to know his friends, too. She would sit and joke with them in the common room in the evenings, chatting to Remus about their favourite books and playing wizard’s chess with Peter. Sirius and Lily hadn’t chatted too much—he wasn’t as studious as her and Remus, he thought chess was dull and Lily didn’t enjoy pranks as much as he did. Still, she cared enough for James to come and check up on his best friend, so Sirius supposed she wasn’t so bad after all.

 

Lily looked thoughtful for a moment before speaking again, “Have you had any thoughts about what else you could get Remus?”

 

“Nope,” he sighed. “I’m open to suggestions if you have any.”

 

“I might have an idea if you’re willing to humour me,” she replied slowly. “Do you have any free periods tomorrow?”

 

Sirius thought for a moment. “Yeah, I’ve got a couple of hours free in the afternoon. Why?”

 

“As a way of apologising for being so rude to you, I’d like to help you out,” she offered. “What do you say?”

 

Sirius grinned. “Well, I’d be foolish to turn down an offer of free help, wouldn’t I? When and where will I meet you?”

 

“Meet me in the basement at twelve o’clock sharp, in front of the painting with the bowl of fruit,” she instructed him. “Don’t be late.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you who are major Potterheads, you might have picked up on the little William McGonagall Easter Egg I put in this chapter!
> 
> William Topaz McGonagall is considered to be one of the worst poets in the English language, and if you go to Edinburgh you can visit his grave. He was also JK Rowling's inspiration for Professor McGonagall: she's said that while William has nothing to do with Minerva, she liked the surname enough to use it in her books.


	3. Chapter 3

When Lily had asked Sirius to meet her in the basement corridor the next day, he could’ve made an educated guess where she was taking him. He doubted that they were headed for the Hufflepuff common room, so it didn’t come as much of a surprise when she directed him towards the castle kitchens. What he wasn’t expecting was to have a frilly pink apron forced over his head and a recipe book thrust into his hands.

 

“What’s this all about?” he grumbled.

 

“Today I’m going to teach you how to bake!” said Lily brightly. Sirius raised an eyebrow at her.

 

“This is your plan?” he asked uncertainly, flicking through the recipe book. “I’m going to show Remus how much I love him by baking him a cake?”

 

“We don’t have to make a cake. We could bake cookies, scones, cupcakes, bread…”

 

“Bread?” Sirius chuckled. “Oh yes, nothing quite says I love you like a big white bloomer.”

 

“I’m just making suggestions,” said Lily defensively. “My mum always says that baking is a labour of love, so what better way to show someone how much you love them than baking them some tasty treats? Something that you’ve invested time, thought and care into.”

 

Sirius, however, didn’t look entirely convinced. “I don’t know...I’m not that great at baking.”

 

“Have you ever baked before?” she asked curiously.

 

“Well...no,” he admitted. He’d never had to; Kreacher had always been the one to make meals for himself and his brother. Lily looked flabbergasted at this admission.

 

“Didn’t your mum ever teach you?” she inquired. Sirius barked out a derisive laugh at that suggestion. The thought of his mother wearing an apron and baking cookies was an absurd notion.

 

“Not bloody likely,” he sneered. “I’d sooner see my father prancing around in a pinafore singing Muggle songs than that old hag baking anything. As far as she’s concerned, that’s servants’ work, well beneath her station.”

 

Sympathy flashed across Lily’s face which made Sirius feel embarrassed; sometimes he forgot that not everyone’s parents were as cold and distant as his own. Mercifully, Lily didn’t pry any further on the matter and quickly changed the subject. “Umm, why don’t we have a look through the recipe book and see what we could make for Remus?”

 

Sirius and Lily flicked through the book for a few minutes, rejecting more complex recipes and shortlisting the simpler ones. Finally, Sirius decided that since his boyfriend was a shameless chocoholic, it only made sense that they bake a batch of chocolate shortbread. The house-elves who worked in the kitchen eyed them wearily as Lily began pulling the required ingredients from the pantry. Sirius visited the kitchens with Peter on a fairly regular basis to steal food; on a couple of occasions, he’d been lucky and had even managed to swipe a bottle of cooking sherry. The house-elves were always more than happy to give him and his friends a basketful of treats before sending them merrily on their way. Today, however, they looked less than willing to permit himself and Lily to use the kitchen utilities for themselves. Sirius felt someone tug the hem of his robes and he looked down to see one of the house-elves staring up at him with large, protuberant eyes.

 

“Does Master Black need help baking, sir?” the elf offered in a high-pitched voice. “Mimsy is happy to help!”

 

“No thank you, Mimsy,” answered Lily, reappearing from the depths of the pantry with her arms full of ingredients. “We’ll manage on our own, thanks.”

 

“Is the young Mistress sure?” the elf implored with an expression of mild desperation. “Mimsy is happy to make chocolate shortbread for you! Mimsy will be much quicker at it!”

 

Several of the house-elves piped up in agreement, hopping up and down excitedly at the prospect of baking for them, but Lily declined.

 

“We appreciate your offer, but we’d rather do it ourselves,” she argued. “Thanks again for offering to help, though.”

 

Mimsy had an almost pained expression as she bowed and retreated, leaving the two students to bake for themselves. The other house-elves were less discreet in hiding their disapproval, muttering under their breath and drawing Lily dirty looks which she pointedly ignored.

 

“I think you’ve insulted them,” Sirius whispered.

 

“I didn’t mean to insult them,” she mumbled, laying the ingredients out on the table in front of the recipe book. “But getting them to bake for you rather defeats the purpose of this exercise, doesn’t it?”

 

After Lily showed Sirius how to switch on the oven and preheat it to the desired temperature, she told him what ingredients to mix and in what quantities.

 

“Rub the flour with your fingertips until it resembles breadcrumbs,” she instructed. “That’s it. Now, add fifty grams of caster sugar and mix it in. Brilliant…”

 

“So far, so good,” said Sirius brightly, pleased with his progress so far. He had to admit, it was fun getting his hands dirty, mixing the ingredients between his fingers, but on more than one occasion Lily had to slap his hand away from sneaking a piece of chocolate for himself. When it came to deciding what shape he wanted to make the biscuits, an argument ensued: Sirius thought it would be funny to shape the shortbread into little penises, but Lily argued that wouldn’t be appropriate. Finally, they came to a compromise and agreed that they should be shaped like dog biscuits.

 

They weren’t even halfway through cutting out the shortbread into bones, however, when James came hurrying into the kitchen, looking unusually flustered.

 

“Lily,” he called, stuffing the Marauder’s Map back into his robes. “Sorry to interrupt, but Head Boy and Girl duties call. Dumbledore wants to see us both in his office right away.”

 

 _“Now?”_ she exclaimed, her hands and apron covered in flour and sticky biscuit mix. “Oh, bollocks. What does he want?”

 

James shook his head. “Dunno, but he sent a letter down to the training pitch and asked me to pick you up on my way up to his office. Oh, and Pads...” James smirked at Sirius and read from a piece of parchment, “Dumbledore also says that he’s sorry that he’s interrupting your baking class but he wouldn’t do so unless it was an issue of the utmost importance. Furthermore, he wishes you luck in all of your endeavours in love and hopes that you find the perfect gift for Mister Lupin.”

 

“Oh for the love of Morgana...how does Dumbledore of all people know what I’m up to?” Sirius decried, tossing his wooden spoon into a large bowl full of biscuit mix. James shrugged.

 

“You know what Dumbledore’s like, mate, he knows everything.”

 

Lily looked desperately between her boyfriend and Sirius, torn between the prospect of leaving Sirius unattended in the kitchens and defying the headmaster's orders.

 

“Are you going to be alright finishing this up on your own?” she asked.

 

“I’ll be fine!” he assured her, waving his hand dismissively and sending biscuit mix flying across the kitchen. “We’re almost finished, anyway. It’s just a matter of traying them up and sticking them in the oven.”

 

“Are you sure?” she asked uncertainly.

 

“I’m positive,” he replied a little more firmly. “Just go, Evans. I’ll catch you both back up in the common room in no time. I think I’ve got the hang of this now.”

 

Reluctantly, Lily spelled herself clean and departed with James, leaving Sirius to finish baking on his own. Sirius took advantage of her absence by gathering up all of the pre-cut biscuit dough and smooshed it all into one glutenous blob again with the intention of reshaping the shortbread into miniature penises as he had originally intended. _Moony will appreciate the humour_ , he reasoned, sniggering to himself as he gave the cock-biscuits a large set of dough balls. Licking a mouthful of the batter off of his fingers, he delighted at the rich, bitter accents of chocolate through the mix. But deciding that it could always be sweeter, he reached for the sugar decanter and added another couple of spoonfuls before throwing caution to the wind and emptying the entire contents of the decanter into the mixture. However, when he tried to mix the sugar through the batter, it became tough and dry.

 

“Bugger,” he muttered under his breath. _Not to worry_ , he thought to himself, scanning the table for more butter but finding none. He couldn’t locate any in the pantry either, so resorted to pouring milk into the batter instead. Milk and butter were practically the same thing, weren’t they?

 

From there, things started to go a little awry: when Sirius tried to roll out the dough it was too wet, sticking to the rolling pin and table. He had some trouble peeling the biscuits off of the table and transporting them onto the baking trays, but finally, he succeeded and checked his watch for the time—they would only need between ten and twelve minutes to bake. Easy-peasy.

 

However, when Sirius opened the oven, instead of being met with the beautiful aroma of freshly baked biscuits, he got a faceful of black smoke. Coughing and spluttering, he used the oven mitts to bat away the smoke and retrieved the piping hot baking trays from the oven, tossing them onto the kitchen table. Sirius compared the photograph in the recipe—two dozen perfectly identical chocolate shortbreads with a delicious smattering of icing sugar on top—to his own creation. The first thing that he noticed was that they were a lot darker than the ones shown in the recipe book, the edges burnt black like charcoal. And for some reason, the shortbread hadn’t risen properly. Instead, the shortbread had spread out across the baking tray into one flat, burnt mosaic of overlapping cock-shaped biscuits. Trying to salvage what he could, he tipped the tray upside down but the shortbread remained stuck to the bottom of the tray, and it was only then that he realised that he had forgotten to put them onto baking paper before sticking the tray into the oven. Using a spatula, he tried to pry the shortbread onto a plate, only succeeding in making a mess as bits of burnt, broken biscuit cascaded onto the plate, table and floor.

 

He picked up a piece of shortbread and sniffed it cautiously before popping it into his mouth—maybe it tasted better than it looked?

 

Nope.

 

Sirius grimaced and spat the mouthful of shortbread back onto the plate. How the bloody hell had he managed to mix up the sugar with the salt? Evidently, baking was like Potions: where Lily was masterful, Sirius was left wanting. He drew his wand and pointed it at the plate of inedible shortbread.

 

 _“Evanesco,”_ he muttered, and in the blink of an eye, the plate was clean again, his failed attempt at chocolate shortbread cast to oblivion where it belonged. Sighing miserably, he pocketed his wand and wiped his dirty hands on his apron. His hair was a mess, his clothes were filthy and he had absolutely nothing to show for his efforts. It was just another disaster.

 

He felt someone tug at the hem of his robes again. Looking down at his feet, he found Mimsy beaming up at him.

 

“How is Master Black’s baking coming along?” she asked interestedly.

 

“Not great,” he admitted stiffly. “It seems I’m as good at baking as I am at writing poetry.”

 

“Not to worry, Master Black! Mimsy has made some chocolate shortbread for you!” she replied brightly, sticking a large plateful of perfectly baked, delicious smelling chocolate shortbread under his nose. Sirius took the proffered plate from the elf’s hands and was hit with another tidal wave of inadequacy; the shortbread that Mimsy had made looked exactly like the ones pictured in the recipe book. He caught a whiff of the warm treats and breathed deeply, filling his lungs with its sweet aroma. Merlin, if they tasted as good as they smelled, he might just well fall in love with this meddlesome elf.

 

“Thanks,” he replied quietly. Mimsy bowed deeply before skipping off to continue preparing food for the next banquet in the Great Hall, whistling happily to herself. Sirius eyed the happy little elf with growing suspicion. Perhaps it had been no accident that he had mixed salt instead of sugar into his biscuit mix.

 

* * *

 

Sirius lay sprawled across the overstuffed couch in the Gryffindor common room, feeling quite sorry for himself, the plateful of delicious elf-made shortbreads resting on his stomach. Lily was annoyed at him, dismissing his claims that the house-elves had sabotaged his own biscuits so that they could distribute their own. She believed that he hadn’t bothered following her instructions properly and was trying to blame the innocent house-elves for his own mistakes, which Sirius vehemently denied. He popped another piece of shortbread into his mouth and savoured the sweet, buttery flavour of the shortbread as he sank his teeth into it. However pissed off Sirius was at Mimsy and her accomplices, he couldn’t deny that this was far superior to anything he could have made. They were so tasty that he could almost forgive her for messing with his shortbread. Almost.

 

“Mmm, they smell good,” crooned a soft voice. Sirius looked up to see Remus standing over him, smiling warmly at him. Without a word, Sirius lifted his legs, allowing Remus to sit beside him on the couch before he lowered them again over Remus’s lap.

 

“They taste even better,” Sirius promised, popping a piece into Remus’s expectant mouth. His fingers lingered over Remus’s lips a second longer than necessary and he noticed the hungry look in his boyfriend’s eyes that had little to do with the shortbread. Remus sank his teeth into the shortbread with an audible crunch, then he closed his eyes and moaned.

 

“Wow, these are delicious! Did you make them?” he asked, sounding impressed.

 

“No,” Sirius popped another piece into his own mouth. “One of the elves made them for me, actually.”

 

“That was nice of them.” Remus grabbed Sirius’s free hand and laced their fingers together. “Did you hear someone’s been selling love potions to the students? James and Lily dragged all of the prefects into a meeting about it. We’ve to report it if we catch anyone in possession of them.”

 

“Really?” asked Sirius. That would explain why Dumbledore wanted to see Lily and James so quickly. Remus nodded.

 

“They think it’s a student making the potion,” he explained. “Apparently it’s very well made.”

 

“Well, that rules us out as suspects,” Sirius quipped. Remus chuckled.

 

“Yeah, Potions has never been one of my strong suits, either,” he conceded. “Apparently, half a dozen students have already been sent to the Hospital Wing after being spiked with it.”

 

“Bloody hell,” Sirius exclaimed. “Everyone’s losing their heads over this whole Valentine’s malarky. It’s mad!”

 

“Oh, I quite agree.” Remus cleared his throat and smiled sheepishly at Sirius. “While we’re on the subject, Valentine's Day is only a couple days away.”

 

Sirius stiffened. “Yeah, what of it?”

 

“Well, I know you’re not big on romantic gestures and I’m not expecting you to get me anything, but it might be nice if we did something to celebrate the occasion. What do you think?”

 

“Why would you expect me not to get you anything for Valentine’s Day?” he asked defensively. Remus frowned at him.

 

“I’m not saying that you wouldn’t, I’m only saying that you shouldn’t feel obligated to. I know it’s not your thing…”

 

“I’ll have you know, Remus Lupin, that I have already got you a Valentine’s present,” he replied hotly. Remus raised his eyebrows in surprise.

 

“You have?”

 

“Yeah, I have!” he lied. “Don’t look so surprised. I’m perfectly capable of being romantic when I want to.”

 

“Alright, keep your knickers on,” Remus chuckled, looking pleased. “Or don’t…”

 

Remus’s free hand slowly snaked up Sirius’s leg towards his thigh. Sirius raised an eyebrow at Remus and grinned.

 

“Are you trying to seduce me, Mr Lupin?” he teased.

 

“Is it working?” he chanced.

 

“Absolutely.” Sirius grabbed Remus’s hand and pulled them both to their feet and in the direction of the boys’ dormitory. He would worry about getting Remus a gift later. For now, he had more important business to attend to.


	4. Chapter 4

With Valentine's Day looming, panic began to set in as Sirius was no closer to finding Remus a gift. Out of sheer desperation, he had taken a leaf out of James’ book and had bought flowers. Thinking himself quite clever, he had placed an order for a pot of moonflowers: a genus that only blooms at night, he thought Remus would appreciate the symbolism. However, before he had even received his parcel in the morning post, he had been hauled away from his breakfast into Professor McGonagall’s office where she and Professor Sprout grilled him about why exactly he had attempted to bring a plant with hallucinogenic properties onto school premises. He tried to explain that it had been an honest mistake on his part, but Professor Sprout didn’t look convinced.

 

“You’re not in my Herbology N.E.W.T. class, Mister Black, so what interest would you have with a highly toxic ipomoea?” she challenged.

 

Sirius’ cheeks burned red as he admitted, “I bought them for my boyfriend as a Valentine’s present, alright? I wasn’t planning on poisoning anyone or selling dodgy potions or anything. I swear that I didn’t know the flowers were dangerous; I had read that they glow in the dark and I thought that sounded kind of cool.”

 

“Boyfriend? What are you talking about?” Professor Sprout spluttered, looking confused. A look of dawning spread across Professor McGonagall’s face, however, and she struggled to suppress a smile.

 

“Am I right in surmising that Mister Lupin was to be the recipient of this ill-advised gift?” she asked in a stern voice that didn’t match her amused expression. Sirius bowed his head and nodded. The two professors glanced at each other and smirked, evidently tickled that someone as famously unsentimental as Sirius Black would do something so romantic.

 

“However well-intended your gift was, Mister Black, I am afraid that we cannot return the moonflowers to you. It is too dangerous without controlled conditions such as Professor Sprout’s greenhouses,” Professor McGonagall explained, ignoring Sirius’ grumble of protest. “May I suggest you buy Mister Lupin chocolates instead? They are a far safer option.”

 

With the flowers gone and out of ideas, desperate times called for desperate measures. During his lunch break, he slipped away from Remus and his friends in the Great Hall to consult with Marlene McKinnon. They had briefly dated in their fifth year, around the time that Sirius had begun to realise that his heart truly lay with a wolfish friend of theirs. Thankfully they had parted amicably and she had started dating Charlie Stebbins soon afterwards, so they had remained on friendly terms. She was, as Sirius remembered all too well, a die-hard romantic. If Sirius being gay as a maypole hadn’t been the death knell of their relationship, their incompatibility when it came to romance surely would have assured that their love affair was a short-lived one. Still, Sirius believed Marlene to be Hogwarts’ resident expert in all matters of the heart and was the best person—and in all fairness, the only other person—that he could think to consult with.

 

He found Marlene sitting in her usual spot at the Clock Tower Courtyard surrounded by her friends, who all stopped talking abruptly as he approached. Sirius plastered a smile on his face to hide his nerves. This was a delicate subject matter that he wasn’t keen to discuss in front of all of her friends.

 

“Afternoon ladies,” he crooned, winking at Emmeline, who smirked and rolled her eyes. “How are we today? Excited about the upcoming festivities?”

 

Marlene crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow at him. “What are you after this time, Sirius?”

 

“Nothing!” he protested. “Just five minutes of your time, that’s all.”

 

With a little persuasion, Marlene agreed to speak to him privately. Her friends sat well out of earshot, watching with great interest as Sirius explained his situation to her in a hushed whisper. Marlene listened carefully, her expression set in a deep frown of concentration as she contemplated Sirius’s predicament.

 

“When you said that you weren’t romantic, you weren’t joking, were you?” she mused.

 

“You know better than most that this romantic business doesn’t come naturally to me,” he agreed.

 

“Very true,” she sighed wistfully. “Have you thought about writing him poetry?”

 

“Tried and failed at that already.”

 

“Okay...what about buying him some nice flowers?” she suggested.

 

“I’ve been banned from bringing flora onto school premises—don’t ask, it’s a long story,” he replied evasively, glancing over Marlene’s shoulder as the other girls strained to hear what they were talking about.

 

Marlene proceeded to rhyme off a long list of potential romantic gifts and gestures, Sirius rejecting each one in turn: what about cologne? No, Remus wasn’t one for wearing a lot of perfume. Besides, Sirius liked Remus’s natural scent, which was sweet and earthy like cut grass and he didn’t want to cover that up with some cheap, artificial fragrance. _Why don’t you serenade him with a romantic song?_ Marlene posited. Sirius barked out a laugh at that suggestion—evidently, she had never heard him sing. The groundskeeper, Hagrid, had once mistook Sirius’s attempt at singing for a Banshee’s cry and had taken to stalking the castle perimeters in search of the beast. Sirius had left the singing to the Frog Choir ever since.

 

Marlene let out an exasperated sigh and glared at Sirius, “Why did you ask for my help if you were just going to shoot down every idea I give you?”

 

“I’m not doing it on purpose!” he argued hotly. “I just want to make sure that I get him the perfect gift. Which, believe me, is proving to be a lot more difficult than I originally anticipated.”

 

Marlene gave him a sympathetic look. “You must really care about him if you’re giving it this much thought.”

 

“I do,” he admitted. “I’m sorry if I’m coming across as awkward, I just don’t want to mess this up.”

 

“You won’t,” Marlene assured him, patting his forearm. “Don’t worry, we’ll work something out.”

 

“I hope so. What are you giving Stebbins for Valentine’s Day?” he asked and was surprised to see Marlene blush.

 

“It’s...private,” she replied evasively. Sirius raised an eyebrow at her.

 

“Well, you’ve aroused my curiosity now, Marly, you’re going to have to tell me what it is!” he implored. Marlene bit her lip uncertainly for a moment before she relented, pulled him close and quickly whispered in his ear what she had planned for her boyfriend. Sirius’s eyes widened with shock and he grinned. “Marlene McKinnon, you saucy little minx! I never knew you had such a naughty side.”

 

“Shh!” she hissed, casting a panicked glance over at her friends before drawing Sirius a death stare. “Do not repeat that to anyone, understood? Or else, I’ll hex your balls off.”

 

Sirius crossed his heart. “I swear that I won’t say a word. Stebbins is a lucky fellow.”

 

“Too bloody right, he is,” she agreed. “I mean, it’s not really an appropriate gift for Remus, but I think Charlie will appreciate it.”

 

“On the contrary, I think think it’s the perfect gift for Remus!” said Sirius brightly. It was Marlene’s turn to look shocked this time.

 

“Really?” she asked uncertainly.

 

“Absolutely,” Sirius pulled Marlene into a tight hug. “I knew that I could count on you to help. Thanks, Marly.”

 

“You’re welcome, I suppose,” she muttered, waving Sirius off as he practically skipped out of the courtyard and off to his first lesson of the day. He would have to wait until later this evening when Remus was occupied at his knitting club with Evans before he could begin putting his gift together. He only needed to find another person willing to help him put his plan into action and he knew just who to ask.

 

* * *

 

“Tell me again what kind of prank this is?” asked Peter, examining the camera that Sirius had thrust into his hands moments before. Sirius sat on the edge of his bed wearing a silky black kimono and little else, fixing his hair in a small handheld mirror before placing it on his bedside table.

 

“It’s not a prank; this is my Valentine’s present for Moony. I need you to be the photographer,” he explained. Clambering onto the bed, he threw his hair over his shoulder and winked seductively at the camera. “How do I look?”

 

“Uhhh…” Peter shrugged. “You look fine.”

 

Sirius drew him an accusatory look. “Just ‘fine’?”

 

“I don’t know, I’m not a bloody expert on the male form, am I?” he mumbled irritably. Sirius gave a dramatic sigh.

 

“I was aiming for ravishing, but I suppose ‘fine’ will have to do…”

 

When Sirius had pulled Peter aside after their final class of the day and asked for his help with something, he had been deliberately sketchy about the finer details of what that would entail. There were few places that would guarantee them privacy to conduct their little photo shoot, but thankfully they had the boys’ dormitory to themselves for the time being. Time, however, was of the essence, and Sirius needed Peter to get over his sudden onset prudishness pronto if he was going to get these photographs taken before Remus or any of the other lads came back.

 

Peter took another photograph and the film ejected from the front of the camera. He gave it a slight tug to remove the picture before carefully placing it on the windowsill to finish developing. “I’m just curious...where did you get the high heels from?”

 

“Evans,” Sirius explained. “Don’t you think they look nice?”

 

“They look fi—lovely,” he corrected himself quickly. “Did she give you the feather boa and kimono as well?”

 

“No, they’re mine.”

 

“Right…”

 

Sirius changed position again, his back now facing the camera. He let the silky kimono slide off of his shoulders to reveal the pale plane of his back before turning his head towards the camera and giving it a smouldering look. Peter sighed wearily and took another picture.

 

“Mate, I’m not sure if I’m the best person to do this,” he argued, sounding incredibly awkward. “Wouldn't you be better asking Prongs for help instead?”

 

“He’s already tried to help me out and that didn’t go well,” Sirius lay on his back and threw his legs into the air. “Besides, you owe me for helping you write that poem for Emmeline.”

 

“Well, it was Moony who came up with most of the suggestions…”

 

“Then you’re doing this as a favour for Moony, then,” Sirius countered.

 

Peter pursed his lips and continued to take more photographs without complaint. It was only when Sirius hopped off of the bed and discarded the kimono that he began to protest.

 

“What are you doing?” he asked cautiously as Sirius strategically placed a folding hand fan in front of his crotch. When Sirius dropped his silky knickers onto the floor and stepped out of them, Peter yelped and clamped his eyes shut.

 

“Oi! What are you playing at?” he shouted, using the camera to shield his vision.

 

“What?” asked Sirius innocently. “You’ve seen me naked a million times, what’s the big deal?”

 

“I know but—is it really necessary that you be completely naked?”

 

“It’s a boudoir photo shoot, Wormtail! The nudity is suggestive and tasteful,” he argued hotly. “Now, tell me if you can see my dick from this angle.”

 

“I’m out,” Peter declared, throwing his hands up in defeat.

 

 _“What?”_ Sirius chased after Peter, hobbling in the high heels with only the fan covering his nether regions. “But we’re not finished yet!”

 

Peter, however, had had enough. He was already halfway down the spiral staircase by the time Sirius had managed to hobble his way to the dormitory door. Despite Sirius calling after him, Peter ignored his summons, muttering under his breath about Sirius “pushing his luck”.

 

“Come on, mate, I can’t do this on my own!” Sirius shouted after him. “I promise I’ll put my knickers back on!”

 

The door at the bottom of the spiral staircase slammed shut.

 

“Bugger!” he snapped, tossing the fan onto the ground in a temper. He stomped back into the dormitory, his heels clipping on the flagstone floor. Honestly, was it too much to ask his friends for a little help?

 

Kicking off the high heels and discarding them by the side of his bed, he pulled on a pair of jeans, fuming. His every attempt to get Remus the perfect gift had been thwarted, Valentine’s Day was fast approaching, and he still had nothing to show for his efforts. When the dormitory door creaked open, Sirius quickly turned with a smile, hoping that Peter had had a change of heart and had come back to help him. His face quickly fell, however, when he realised that it was only James.

 

“Oh, it’s you,” he mumbled.

 

“Don’t sound so disappointed,” James joked, eyeing the mess around Sirius’s bed. “Pads...have you had a girl in here?”

 

“What? No!” he protested. “Why would you think that?”

 

“The silky knickers and high heels for starters,” James pointed towards the suspicious clothing next to his bed. “Is there something you want to tell me?”

 

Sirius chuckled, “This isn’t what it looks like—”

 

“Then what is it?” James cut in with a slight edge to his voice. “Frank said that he saw you chatting with Marlene earlier today. He said that you were getting quite friendly for two people who aren’t dating anymore, whispering and hugging each other. Now I come in here, you’re half-naked and it seems pretty obvious that someone’s been in here with you. I’d like to know what you’re playing at.”

 

Sirius gaped at James. “I’m not playing at anything!”

 

“Then whose shoes are they?” James challenged, pointing accusingly at the high heels.

 

“They’re Evans’s,” Sirius explained. He quickly raised his hands in mock surrender as shock and anger flashed across James’s face. “She wasn’t wearing them, she let me borrow them! I was the one wearing them, alright?”

 

James scrunched his face up in confusion. “Why on earth would you be wearing Lily’s high heels?”

 

“I was trying to take some sexy photos for Remus, alright?” he replied defensively, marching over to the windowsill to gather the developed photographs. He thrust them into James’s hands. “Wormy kindly volunteered to take the pictures until he got cold feet and buggered off before we could finish.”

 

“Sexy photos? What are you on about?” James looked at the photos and immediately burst into fits of giggles. Embarrassed, Sirius snatched them back out of his friend’s hands.

 

“They’re not meant to be funny! They’re supposed to be sexy!” he shouted, looking at the photographs himself for the first time. “Merlin...these are really awful, aren’t they?”

 

“Dreadful,” laughed James, wiping tears from his eyes. “You’re absolutely mental, you know that?”

 

Sirius tossed the photographs in the overflowing waste paper bin alongside the parchment that had his abandoned poem scribbled on it. “I’m a bloody idiot thinking that this plan would work better than any of the others.”

 

“Valentine’s Day is in two days,” James unhelpfully reminded him. “What are you going to do if you haven’t got a gift for Moony?”

 

Sirius sat on the edge of his bed, looking miserable. “I dunno, I suppose I could always hide in the Forbidden Forest for a few days until this all blows over.”

 

“I wouldn’t be hiding in the forest this weekend; Moony’s ‘furry little problem’ is due to rear its ugly head again on Sunday night,” James reminded him.

 

“Damn, so it is,” said Sirius quietly. “Yet another plan foiled.”

 

“Well, it’s not like you told Moony you were going to get anything for him,” James continued. “He knows that you don’t like all of this ‘romantic crap’, as you so succinctly put it.”

 

Guilt chewed away at Sirius; he’d lied to Remus and assured him that he already had a gift for him. He couldn’t bear the thought of the disappointed look on Remus’s face when he turned up empty-handed.

 

“I’m the worst boyfriend ever,” Sirius declared miserably, throwing himself back onto his bed. James gave him a jovial pat on the knee.

 

“You’re not the worst boyfriend ever,” he argued. “Certainly not the best by any means, but you’re trying your best.”

 

“Evidently my best isn’t good enough,” he mumbled.

 

“Well, on a happier note, I’ve finished Lily’s present,” said James brightly. “Would you like to see it?”

 

“Go on then,” sighed Sirius, sitting up on his bed. James retrieved the cardboard box containing the tiger lily from his trunk and sat next to Sirius. Pulling the flower from the box he passed it to Sirius, who took the proffered gift and spun the thin stem between his thumb and forefinger. The tiger lily didn’t appear any different since the first time James had shown it to him.

 

“Alright, what do I do with it now?” he asked.

 

“Say her name,” James instructed. Sirius frowned slightly at the strange request.

 

“Alright...Evans.”

 

James snorted, “You need to say her first name, you plonker.”

 

Sirius rolled his eyes and said in a clear voice, “Lily.”

 

He let out a little gasp of surprise as the flower began to transform before his eyes, the stalk turning into cold, hard crystal beneath his fingertips. He inspected the fully transfigured flower, now made of solid crystal, from all angles. Sunlight pouring through the windows bounced off the glassy petals and sent beams of orange and red light across the room.

 

“That’s bloody brilliant,” said Sirius, sounding impressed. “She’ll love it.”

 

“I hope so,” James sighed, carefully placing the flower back into the box. “It was a tricky bit of magic to get it looking the way I wanted it to, but it was worth the effort.”

 

Sirius felt as though a bolt of lightning struck him then as suddenly the most brilliant, perfect gift for Remus came to mind. It was so perfect, he couldn’t believe that he hadn’t thought of it before now.

 

“Prongs,” he asked slowly. “Could you show me the spell that you used on the flower?”


	5. Chapter 5

Sirius awoke on the Feast of Saint Valentine feeling tired and nervous. For someone usually brimming with confidence (or overconfidence, as some would argue), it was an unsettling feeling for the plucky Gryffindor. He and James had worked late into the night trying to perfect the transfiguration charm on Remus’ gift, and when he had finally retired to bed in the early hours of Tuesday morning, he had been too restless to sleep. But however nervous Sirius felt, it was nothing compared to Peter.

 

The Marauders sat at the breakfast table in the Great Hall that morning discussing their classes for the day while Peter kept casting nervous glances in the direction of Emmeline Vance and her friends. Sirius leant close to Peter and whispered in his friend’s ear, causing Peter to jump slightly in surprise.

 

“So, are you going to recite the poem to Emmeline yourself or…”

 

Peter shook his head. “I’ve arranged for a Valentine-gram to arrive during breakfast. Bloody typical that the owl post is late this morning.”

 

As though his words had summoned them, the familiar fluttering of wings signalled the arrival of the morning post and a stream of owls flew through the open windows. Several of them were carrying brightly coloured envelopes, large bouquets of flowers and parcels that Sirius supposed contained boxes of chocolate.

 

He cast a furtive glance over at the Slytherin table and noticed that his brother, Regulus, had received a sizable parcel as well. As much as he wanted to go over there and find out what the gift was and who it was from, Sirius remained rooted to his seat, his insides squirming like snakes. Several months had passed since he had left his parents’ home, and in that time, Regulus had barely spoken a word to him. Their mother had probably instructed him not to, he thought miserably. He looked down at his breakfast and moved the food about the plate, but he had suddenly lost his appetite. Suddenly, Peter gasped and grabbed Sirius’ robes, giving him a rough shake.

 

“Oh Merlin, there it is!” he squeaked as a barn owl glided across the heads of students sitting at the Ravenclaw table and landed gracefully in front of Emmeline Vance. A small frown creased her forehead as she untied the large red letter from the owl’s outstretched leg. She turned it over in her hand, whispering excitedly to her friends sitting next to her.

 

“This was a bad idea,” Peter whimpered. “She’s going to hate it. Oh Merlin, what was I thinking?”

 

“She hasn’t even opened it yet!” Sirius chuckled. “Don’t put yourself down, Wormy. You never know, she might actually like it.”

 

Sirius and Peter watched as Emmeline excitedly tore open the envelope, then immediately recoiled as a roar of sound filled the huge hall, causing the plates and cutlery to rattle on the tables…

 

“I KNOW A BEAUTIFUL QUEEN  
AND I MET HER IN A DREAM  
WITH HAIR LIKE SPUN SILK AND EYES MOSS GREEN  
HER NAME IS EMMELINE!”

 

Peter’s voice, a hundred times louder than usual, bellowed and echoed deafeningly off of the stone walls. Every head in the Great Hall turned to see who had received what they thought was a Howler.

 

“OH, EMMELINE! MAIDEN SO FAIR  
MY LOVE FOR YOU IS TRUE, I SWEAR!”

 

Emmeline covered her ears in a vain attempt to block out Peter’s deafening poetry recital. Sirius glanced at his friend beside him to see his mouth hanging open in horror and his face deathly pale. Sirius hoped for his friend’s sake that was the end of the poem, but the romantic Howler continued to holler…

 

“OH, EMMELINE! I AM SO SMITTEN  
YOU’RE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL IN ALL OF BRITAIN!”

 

Emmeline leapt to her feet and ran out of the Great Hall, her face as scarlet as the letter which continued to shout her praises long after she had departed.

 

“OH EMMELINE, I WISH YOU WERE MINE  
WILL YOU PLEASE BE MY VALENTINE?”

 

A ringing silence followed and the letter which Emmeline had discarded exploded into a shower of heart-shaped confetti over the heads of several bemused Ravenclaws. Sirius turned to speak to Peter, but he was no longer sat next to him. He looked under the table and saw a large, fat grey rat peeking out of the top of Peter’s school bag. Sirius grinned at the rodent.

 

“Tough luck, mate,” Sirius commiserated. “Maybe once Emmeline’s ears have stopped ringing she’ll come around.”

 

“What on earth possessed Peter to send Emmeline a Howler?” asked Lily, shaking her head in disbelief.

 

“I don’t think it was deliberate,” Remus reasoned, sipping his hot chocolate. “The salesman promised that it would play romantic music when it recited his poem. Maybe it did, but I couldn’t hear it over Wormtail’s voice.”

 

“Where did he buy the Valentine-gram?” asked James curiously.

 

“Zonko’s,” said Remus lightly and the group burst into fits of laughter. Peter squeaked in indignation at their response and disappeared inside his school bag.

 

As Sirius gathered his belongings and headed for his first class of the day, Remus hooked their arms together and they marched out of the Great Hall towards the Grand Staircase.

 

“So, when do you want to exchange gifts?” he asked, a note of excitement in his voice that Sirius didn’t often hear. He felt another stab of nerves at the thought of the gift exchange, but he plastered a smile onto his face.

 

“Let’s do it tonight after classes,” he suggested. “Prongs and Evans will be out all evening and so will Frank—he’s taking Alice out to Hogsmeade. If we’re lucky we’ll have the dormitory to ourselves for a couple of hours.”

 

“I’m more than happy to take advantage of that—and you,” Remus whispered, pressing a quick kiss to Sirius’s lips before releasing his arm and heading down a corridor in the opposite direction. Sirius waved him off, feeling nervous and excited about his first Valentine’s with Remus. He only hoped that his gift lived up to his boyfriend’s expectations.

 

* * *

 

Gryffindor Tower was unusually quiet that evening since most people—James and Lily amongst them—had headed out to Hogsmeade for the evening or were attending the Valentine’s Feast in the Great Hall. Peter had borrowed the Marauder’s Map with the intention of tracking down Emmeline and apologising profusely for his embarrassing gift, which left Remus and Sirius alone in the common room.

 

Remus beckoned Sirius over to join him in front of the fireplace where he was sitting cross-legged in front of the roaring fire, the light of the orange flames flickering across his pale, scarred face. Sirius mirrored Remus and sat in front of him, their knees touching. Remus, usually so composed, was unusually giddy, which only served to make Sirius all the more apprehensive.

 

“Can I give you my gift first?” asked Remus, struggling to suppress the excitement in his voice. Sirius swallowed hard and clutched the shoebox in his lap a little tighter.

 

“Yeah, let’s get this over with,” he sighed. Seemingly unaware of how nervous Sirius was, Remus reached deep inside the pocket of his corduroy trousers before he paused.

 

“Close your eyes and hold out your hand,” he instructed. “No peeking.”

 

Sirius did as he was told and held out his hand. A moment later he felt something small, hard and plastic being pressed into his palm. He opened his eyes and stared at, to his surprise, a Muggle cassette tape. He glanced up at Remus who smiled sheepishly back at him.

 

“It’s a mixtape of songs that remind me of you,” he explained in a low voice despite nobody else being in the room to overhear him. “I don’t have much money and I couldn’t get you all the things that I wanted to, all the things that you deserve. So, I resolved to make you a gift instead. I’m sorry that it’s not much, but I wanted it to be something personal. Plus, I know you’re a complete Mugglephile and I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to get you something non-magical. Happy Valentine’s Day.”

 

Sirius inspected the cassette tape closely. The spine of the box read “Padfoot’s Mixtape Vol. 1” in Remus’s thin, neat handwriting. On either side of the title, two small hearts had been drawn, one containing the letter ‘S’, the other the letter ‘R’. Sirius stared at the little hearts, an overwhelming feeling of love and admiration swelled inside his chest for the man in front of him. How did he get so damn lucky to have someone as perfect as Remus love him?

 

“So, what do you think?” asked Remus, a hint of nervous anticipation in his voice. Sirius looked up and smiled warmly at him.

 

“I love it,” he assured him and the tension in Remus’s shoulders visibly eased. Evidently, he’d been as nervous as Sirius had been at the prospect of exchanging gifts. Sirius glanced at the front cover and read some of the song titles that Remus had included and chuckled. “The Stones and Zeppelin...my parents would absolutely hate this.”

 

“That may have been a contributing factor during song selection,” Remus joked. Sirius leaned forward and pressed their lips together in a tender kiss.

 

“Thank you,” he whispered against his lips, pulling Remus closer to deepen the kiss. Remus sighed contentedly and melted into the embrace, splaying his fingers through Sirius’s long, silky black hair. Sirius would have been content to spend the rest of the evening in front of the fire wrapped up in Remus’s arms, but too soon his boyfriend pulled away and smiled expectantly at him.

 

“So...do you have something for me?” he asked.

 

“Maybe…” Sirius teased, passing him the plain white shoebox. Remus eagerly took the gift and tore open the lid. Peering into the box, he frowned.

 

“What’s this?” he asked, pulling a soft cuddly toy rabbit out of the box.

 

“We’re always joking about your “furry little problem” so I thought that it would be handy to have a literal furry little problem on our hands. So if anyone asks what we’re talking about, we can just say that we’re talking about the rabbit,” Sirius explained with a goofy smile. Remus stared at Sirius.

 

“That’s it?” he asked flatly. “That’s your gift?”

 

Sirius’s smile faltered. “Well, there’s more to it than meets the eye, of course. Here…” He took the stuffed rabbit out of Remus’s hands and said in a clear voice, “Hare of the Wolf.”

 

They watched as the fluffy toy began to transform, the synthetic fur changed into soft, blonde rabbit hair. Its plastic, unseeing eyes blinked into life and suddenly a life-like rabbit looked up expectantly at Remus. Sirius laughed as the rabbit hopped out of his hands and scampered across the common room. Remus, however, stared daggers at his boyfriend.

 

 

“You think this is funny, do you?” he challenged. Sirius stopped laughing and shrunk a little under Remus’s incredulous gaze.

 

“Well, yeah,” he shrugged. “‘Hare of the Wolf’—it’s a punny rabbit, see? So, it’s cute and funny. And it’s magical—I charmed the rabbit myself, you know, with James’s help. I thought that you would appreciate the humour in the gift.”

 

“Oh yes, because there’s nothing a boy wants more than to have his boyfriend make fun of him on Valentine’s Day,” sneered Remus. “I get that romance isn’t ‘your thing’, Sirius, but I really thought that you would have taken this more seriously. I suppose that I shouldn’t have expected any differently though, should I? Everything is just a big joke to you, even me.”

 

Sirius gaped at Remus. “You’re not a joke to me! I just thought—”

 

“What? You thought that I would find you taking the piss out of me amusing?” he snapped. “Seven years I’ve put up with you three making light of my illness, little comments here and there about having hairy hands and the madness within. Oh yes, haha, very funny, let’s all laugh at Remus’s expense! I thought that you would have realised by now that I don’t like it. I don’t appreciate being made a fool of, least of all by you.”

 

“I wasn’t trying to make a fool out of you!” Sirius replied hotly. “And despite what you might think, I have taken this whole Valentine’s malarky seriously. You have no idea the hell I’ve been through this week trying to find you a gift!”

 

“Well, I’m so sorry to have been such an inconvenience to you!” Remus mocked, clambering to his feet. Sirius stared after him as he marched towards the portrait exit.

 

“Where are you going?” he called after him.

 

“Out,” he declared. “I’m too angry to even look at you right now.”

 

“Fine!” Sirius shouted as the portrait slammed shut. “Be like that! I’d rather have the rabbit for company anyway!”

 

The bunny rabbit hopped back onto Sirius’s lap and he glared at it.

 

“This is all your fault,” he grumbled.

 

The rabbit, unable to comprehend Sirius’s accusations, merely proceeded to nibble the hem of his robes. Sirius sighed and petted the little rabbit’s head. No, the blame lay solely at his feet. What was he thinking giving Remus a bloody rabbit for Valentine’s Day? James and Evans had both tried to warn him against doing anything humorous, tried to convey just how important this day was to Remus, but despite his best efforts, Sirius had managed to fuck things up royally.

 

Now he had an even more monumental task on his hands, even moreso than trying to find a suitable Valentine’s gift. He now had to figure out how he was going to apologise to Remus. Sirius thought about what he could say or do to sufficiently apologise to Remus and felt a stab of panic as his mind drew a complete blank.

 

“Bollocks,” he hissed.

 

This was the turning out to be the worst Valentine’s Day ever.


	6. Chapter 6

Two days had passed since the disastrous exchange of gifts and Remus still wasn’t talking to Sirius. James had tried to reassure Sirius that Remus would come around eventually, reasoning that he was always extra agitated in the days leading up to the full moon, but Sirius knew that the movement of celestial bodies had little to do with Remus’s bad mood and that the fault was entirely his own. And as if Remus wasn’t angry enough with Sirius, the rabbit had caused all sorts of havoc in Gryffindor Tower. Several angry students had confronted Sirius, accusing the rapscallion rabbit of various crimes, including eating schoolbooks, defecating on dormitory floors and humping cushions in the common room. He had also had to rescue the rabbit on more than one occasion from other students’ cats intent on eating it. Sirius knew that he had really messed up this time, as Lily kept reminding him at every possible opportunity, and he had no clue how he was going to fix things between the two of them.

 

On the morning of the third day, Sirius decided to ditch Charms and take refuge in the Owlery to think things over (and have a ciggy in peace). He leaned out of one of the tower windows, the wind whipping his hair about his face as he watched one of Madam Hooch’s flying lessons take place on the school grounds. The students, too far away to see what house colours they were wearing, mounted their broomsticks and began flying around the perimeter of the training grounds. Sirius smirked as, even from this great distance, he could hear Hooch’s booming voice barking instructions at the students.

 

He remembered his and Remus’s first flying lessons. James was a natural, of course, zig-zagging through the air like he’d been born with wings. Sirius wasn’t a bad flyer, but he wasn’t particularly interested in flying or Quidditch. Remus, however, had never been on a broomstick before and had been incredibly nervous about learning to fly, and it was only with some persuasion from Sirius that he finally admitted that he was afraid of heights. Sirius had decided then that it was up to him to prove to Remus that there was nothing to be afraid of. They had broken into the broom shed later that evening and when Sirius couldn’t convince Remus to mount the broom with him, he had kicked off of the ground and proceeded to do several acrobatic stunts in mid-air. Remus had watched from the ground, wide-eyed with alarm at first, but gradually his face had broken out into a broad smile as Sirius’s stunts got more daring.

 

Sirius remembered how he had felt when he had first seen Remus smile, a swelling sensation in the centre of his chest that made him feel as though he could fly without the aid of a broomstick. That smile had sparked something in Sirius that day; not only a desire to impress this boy, he wanted to make Remus smile as often as he could. Madam Hooch had caught them both in the act, of course, and they’d both received their first detention that day—the first of many—but to see Remus’s face light up the way it did, Sirius thought it had been well worth the punishment. Perhaps Sirius’s feelings for Remus were clear even then, but it had taken him years to finally pluck up the courage to tell Remus how he really felt. Years to finally be with the man he loved, and he had gone and ruined it all by being an insensitive prat.

 

Sirius was snapped from his miserable revery at the sound of approaching footsteps. As the footsteps shuffling on hard stone grew louder, Sirius flicked his cigarette out of the window and waved his hand through the air to try and diffuse the smell of smoke. It was probably just a student, but knowing his luck it was a teacher, or worse, Filch. He didn’t fancy detention with that miserable old sod.

 

A few moments later, someone familiar and entirely unexpected entered the Owlery. Regulus, his usual stony expression firmly in place, stopped dead in his tracks when he caught sight of his brother.

 

“What are you doing up here?” he asked without bothering to greet him. Sirius snorted.

 

“Nice to see you, too,” he sneered. “I could ask you the same thing.”

 

“Sending a letter to Mother.” Regulus held up his hand, showing Sirius the roll of parchment clutched in his fist. “Not that that would be of any interest to you, of course…”

 

“Not particularly,” he admitted with a careless shrug. An awkward silence followed and Sirius cleared his throat. “Well...I’ll see you later, I suppose.”

 

Sirius took a few steps towards the exit but paused when Regulus spoke to him, “I’m surprised to see you up here on your own. You and Remus...well, usually we can’t prise you two apart. Trouble in paradise?”

 

“We’re fine,” he lied. Regulus cocked a quizzical eyebrow at his brother.

 

“Are you really?” he asked, sounding unconvinced. “Because I’ve noticed that you two haven’t been hanging out as much lately.”

 

“I said we’re fine,” Sirius replied through gritted teeth. Regulus raised his hands in mock surrender and shrugged.

 

“Alright, you don’t have to tell me anything,” he replied lightly. “You just look like you needed to talk to someone.”

 

Sirius frowned. “You’ve barely spoken to me since I left home. Why are you so keen to speak to me now?”

 

“Does one always need a reason to converse with their brother?”

 

“No, but then most brothers don’t ignore the other because they moved out of their parent’s home,” Sirius accused stiffly.

 

“You didn’t move out, you ran away,” said Regulus pointedly.

 

“I left before they had the chance to kick me out,” he countered. “You know that it was only a matter of time. If there’s one thing worse than having a son sorted into Gryffindor, it’s their first-born son admitting to being gay. The Blacks are a traditional, conservative pure-blood family, after all. They have a reputation to uphold.”

 

“Don’t lump me in with the rest of our family,” said Regulus hotly. “Your sexuality was never an issue with me. It still isn’t.”

 

“Then why have you been ignoring me for these past few months?” Sirius challenged.

 

“Because I was angry at you,” Regulus snapped. “I thought that much would have been obvious.”

 

Sirius frowned. “Why would you be angry at me? I didn’t do anything to you!”

 

“I came home one afternoon to find that my big brother had walked out of our home with no intention of ever coming back,” said Regulus bitterly. “When I saw that your name had been blasted off of the family tapestry, I asked Mother what had happened—all she said was that we weren’t to speak your name ever again, as if you had never existed. I didn’t know where you’d gone, so I couldn’t write to you. You didn’t even write to me explaining what had happened. I didn’t hear from you at all. The next time I saw you was at the train station going back to school and you were there with James and his parents...and I realised that you had picked them over me. So yes, Sirius, I was angry with you. I still am!”

 

Sirius felt a stab of remorse strike the pit of his stomach then. He had spent years at loggerheads with his parents, constantly harangued for his “unruly” behaviour, his unsavoury fascination with Muggles, his poor choice in friends; nothing he did was to their satisfaction. It had all come to a head shortly after his sixteenth birthday, however, when his parents, at their wits’ end with Sirius, threatened to send him to Durmstrang for his final years of education in an attempt to “straighten him out”. The double entendre was not lost on Sirius and he had finally had enough—enough of his parents and their bigotry and that bloody house of theirs. Without a second thought, he had packed his bag and left. He had no regrets about leaving his parents behind, but leaving home also meant that he was leaving his brother behind, too. That, he did regret. In truth, he thought that Regulus was happier at home—he was the better son, the veritable apple in their parents’ eye—Sirius had never considered how his departure would affect his little brother.

 

“I hadn’t planned on leaving, you know, it was a spur of the moment decision—”

 

“Oh, what a surprise,” Regulus cut in. “You acting without thinking it through first.”

 

Sirius ignored the jibe and cautiously continued, “When I left, I had nowhere else to go. I’d stayed over at James’s loads of times, so I went over there thinking he’d be able to put me up for the night, I’d figure out the rest of it later. But when James told his parents what had happened, they said that I could stay at theirs for as long as I needed. They welcomed me into their home and I’ll always be grateful to them for that, but I didn’t pick James over you, Reg. I never would. He’s my best mate, but you’re my brother. Nothing in the world will ever change that.”

 

Regulus kept his arms crossed defensively across his chest, “That wouldn’t stop you from picking up a quill and writing to me.”

 

“You’re right, it wouldn’t,” Sirius conceded. “I’m sorry that I didn’t write to you. And I’m sorry that I left the way that I did, but you know that I couldn’t stay. If I’d stayed, they would have sent me away anyway; then I wouldn’t see you at all.”

 

“I know. I just wish you’d spoken to me first,” muttered Regulus, kicking straw and bird droppings that littered the cold stone floor.

 

“Me too,” sighed Sirius. “To be honest, I thought that you were all glad to see the back of me.”

 

Regulus gave Sirius a withering look. “If I was glad to see the back of you, I wouldn’t have been so angry when you left. I wouldn’t be trying to talk to you now.”

 

“I suppose not,” Sirius conceded. “I’ve missed you, you know. I’ve missed talking to you.”

 

Regulus glared at his feet and muttered, “Yeah well...I suppose I’ve missed you, too. Even if you are a right git sometimes.”

 

“Yeah, Remus has told me as much,” he sighed. “He’s right though, I am a git.”

 

“Well, I’m glad that we finally agree on something,” joked Regulus. “I’m sorry, too...for ignoring you.”

 

“I’d be angry with me too,” said Sirius. “Next time we have a falling out, just shout in my face and get it over with. I really hate the silent treatment.”

 

Regulus smirked. “Duly noted.” He walked over to the nearest window ledge and sat on it, his feet dangling a few inches from the ground. “So, now that we’ve gotten our awkward apologies out of the way, care to tell me what the hell is going on with you and Remus lately?”

 

“You really want to know?” asked Sirius uncertainly. Regulus gave him a weak smile.

 

“I might be angry with you, but I still care about you. Oh, don’t look so surprised, you’re my brother for Salazar’s sake! You can still talk to me if you want to. You used to talk to me all the time.”

 

Sirius sighed and sat on the window ledge next to his brother. He had to admit, even if they did argue most of the time he had sorely missed talking to Regulus.

 

“I insulted and embarrassed him,” Sirius admitted, staring at his feet. “On Valentine’s Day, of all days.”

 

“How did you insult him?” Regulus inquired curiously.

 

“It’s...a long story,” Sirius replied evasively.

 

As glad as he was to be speaking to Regulus, Remus’s furry little problem was still very much a secret; it wasn’t his place to share that information with anyone, even his brother. He did, however, tell him about the hellish week he’d had trying and failing time and time again to find Remus the perfect gift. Regulus listened intently, laughing as Sirius recounted his unsuccessful attempt at baking and the transforming bunny rabbit. When Sirius had gotten his brother up to speed with what had happened, Regulus gave him a sympathetic look.

 

“You’re completely hopeless, you know that?”

 

“Yes, I think we’ve established that already,” he grumbled. Sirius groaned and put his face in his hands. “What am I going to do, Reg? I’ve really fucked up this time and I don’t know how to fix it.”

 

“I’m sure you’ll work something out,” he commiserated. “You’ve got a talent for getting yourself into trouble, but you’re equally as talented at getting yourself out of it.”

 

“I don’t know ... I’ve said sorry to him a hundred different ways, but he’s still pretty angry with me,” said Sirius miserably. “I just wish there was some way I could make it up to him...argh, but I’m no good at this sort of thing! I just wish there was something that I could do to fix this.”

 

Sirius fell silent and looked up at his brother who had a thoughtful, distant expression on his face.

 

“What is it? You’ve got that look in your eye when you’re scheming,” he mused. Regulus’s eyes flitted towards Sirius.

 

“I’m not scheming, this is my thinking face!” he bristled. “I might have an idea, but it’s not guaranteed to work. Usually, you need to ask for something specific...”

 

“What are you on about?” asked Sirius, confused. Regulus grabbed Sirius’s arm and pulled him to his feet.

 

“Come on, I want to try something.”

 

Sirius followed Regulus down the Owlery’s spiral staircase and along the corridor in the direction of the Gryffindor common room. He had no clue where they were going, but he trusted that Regulus knew what he was doing. They came to an abrupt stop on the seventh floor in front of a tapestry depicting Barnabas the Barmy attempting to teach trolls ballet. Regulus turned away from the tapestry, however, to face the blank wall opposite. Sirius raised a curious eyebrow.

 

“What are we doing here?”

 

“Here,” said Regulus, pointing to the blank wall, “is the location of the Come and Go Room. Have you heard of it?” Sirius shook his head and Regulus raised his eyebrows. “I’m surprised, I thought you knew every secret passageway and corridor in the castle.”

 

“So did I,” Sirius admitted. “So, what’s in this secret room of yours?”

 

“Anything you need. It’s a room that a person can only enter when they have real need of it, and it’s always equipped for the seeker’s needs.”

 

“Really?” asked Sirius, looking mildly impressed. “So, say that I really needed the toilet, a bathroom would appear?”

 

“You show a real lack of imagination sometimes,” said Regulus drily. “But yes, if you were in desperate need, so to speak, I suppose a bathroom would appear.”

 

“So, what do we have to do to make the door appear?”

 

“And herein lies the problem,” he sighed. “You need to have a clear idea in your mind of what you want the room to be before it can appear.”

 

“Well, that’s the problem, isn’t it?” said Sirius irritably. “I don’t know what to ask for! I don’t know what I can do to make Remus happy.”

 

“He’s your boyfriend, you must know what he likes!” Regulus said, exasperated. He rolled his eyes and pulled Sirius closer to the wall. “Look, close your eyes and think—what would make Remus happier than anything else in the world?”

 

Sirius cast a sceptical glance at his brother but did as he was instructed and closed his eyes. What would make Remus happier than anything in the world? One thing immediately came to mind, but he wasn’t sure how the room could provide that. No potion or spell was powerful enough to grant that and he doubted this room would be either. Still, you don’t get if you don’t ask...

 

“Do you have an idea?” asked Regulus. Sirius nodded. “Okay, walk past the wall three times thinking about what you need and the door should appear. Concentrate on it with all of your might.”

 

Sirius huffed out a breath and clenched his eyes tightly shut, concentrating hard on what he wanted, then walked past the wall three times. When he opened his eyes again, to his surprise a large wooden door had materialised in front of him.

 

“You did it!” exclaimed Regulus excitedly. Sirius smirked at him.

 

“You sound surprised,” he joked, reaching for the door handle and pulling it open. He peered inside the room and his mouth fell open. “Sweet Morgana…”

 

“What is it?” asked Regulus, pushing past his brother to get a better look. “What did you ask for? What on earth..?” Regulus frowned at the most unexpected sight before him, and when he looked up at the ceiling his eyes widened with alarm. “Are you _mental?”_

 

“A bit,” Sirius conceded, grinning broadly. Regulus gave him a sharp look.

 

“You seriously think that this of all things would make Remus happy?”

 

“I don’t think it, I know it,” he replied confidently. Regulus shook his head in dismay.

 

“Whatever you say, it’s your funeral.”


	7. Chapter 7

Sirius paced nervously back and forth past the tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy, checking his watch every so often. He’d asked Remus to meet him here after classes had ended, but his boyfriend, normally the punctual one of the two, was running late. Just as Sirius was beginning to worry that he wouldn’t show up, Remus appeared at the end of the corridor looking tired and agitated. Sirius grinned broadly at him.

 

“You made it!” he said happily.

 

“Of course I did. You asked me here, didn’t you?” Remus stopped in front of Sirius. “So what’s so important that I had to skip the knitting club?” His eyes drifted towards the wicker basket that Sirius had clutched tightly in his hands and his eyes narrowed. “Is that a picnic basket?”

 

“It is,” Sirius confirmed with a curt nod. Remus looked out of the nearby window and saw the rain battering fiercely against the window pane.

 

“As nice as a picnic would be, it's not really the weather for it,” he pointed out.

 

“When have we ever let a little thing like rain ruin our fun?” Sirius winked. Remus stuffed his hands into his pockets and sighed.

 

“What’s this all about, Sirius?” he asked wearily. “I don’t have time to take part in one of your pranks or schemes. I’ve got a lot of homework to catch up on before the full moon. I don’t want to fall behind.”

 

“I promise this isn’t a prank or a scheme,” Sirius assured him. “It’s an apology.”

 

“You’ve already apologised,” Remus reminded him, lowering his gaze. “And I said that it’s fine. Really, it is. Let’s just forget about Valentine’s Day and move on, please.”

 

“I know, but—” Sirius grabbed Remus’s hand and tried to catch his eye. “I am sorry, I really am. It was a lousy gift and I should have made more of an effort. And the rabbit pun, that was stupid and insensitive of me. I thought that I was being funny and clever, but I know that your condition isn’t a laughing matter. The last thing in the world I’d want to do is hurt or embarrass you, and I ended up doing just that. I’m so sorry.”

 

Sirius worried for a moment that Remus would pull his hand away and leave, but instead, he listened carefully, his expression stony but his eyes were glassy with tears. “You can be an insensitive prat at times, you know that?”

 

“I know.” Sirius gently traced his thumb over the top of Remus’s scarred knuckles. “I’m insensitive and stupid and completely incapable of taking anything seriously. But if there’s one thing in my life that I’m serious about, it’s how I feel about you. I love you, Remus. I might not love you as well as I should, but I’m going to try harder if you’ll let me. Please, let me make it up to you.”

 

Remus finally looked up and met Sirius’s eyes, giving him a searching look. Sirius hoped that Remus would believe his words were sincere, otherwise he didn’t know what else to say or do to fix this between them. The tension eased in Remus’s shoulders a little. “You’re the most ridiculous, infuriating person I’ve ever met.”

 

“I know,” he grimaced.

 

“But...you’re also the most kind and loyal...” Remus shook his head and gave Sirius a small smile. “And, more fool me, I wouldn’t have you any other way.”

 

“Really?” asked Sirius hopefully. Remus nodded and pulled Sirius closer.

 

“Really. But you’re going to have a hell of a job making it up to me,” he joked before pulling Sirius into a searing kiss. Sirius let out a breath that he hadn’t realised that he’d been holding and melted into Remus’s embrace, relief and love and lust coursing through him like the ebb and flow of the tide. He might just have a chance at fixing this after all. When they finally parted, Remus whispered, “I love you, too.”

 

Sirius sighed contentedly and nuzzled Remus’s neck, “I promise that I’ll make it up to you.”

 

“You don’t have to,” said Remus reassuringly, pulling away to look at him. “Lily and James told me how much effort you put in trying to find the perfect gift for me; how you tried your hand at poetry and baking…”

 

“Tried and failed on both accounts,” Sirius lamented.

 

“Still, you tried,” Remus shrugged. “And you know...the present you gave me wasn’t _that_ bad.”

 

“It was terrible,” Sirius chuckled.

 

“Still, I know that you put a lot of effort into creating the rabbit—its fur and eyes, the way that it moves—it’s so lifelike...it was really beautiful magic.”

 

Sirius smiled warmly at him. “Thank you.”

 

Remus’s smile faltered. “I’m sorry about how I reacted the other day. I know that you tried your best and I pretty much threw it in your face.”

 

“It’s fine,” Sirius assured him, but Remus shook his head.

 

“No, it’s not. You put in a lot of time and effort trying to find me the perfect gift and I just…I dunno. It was our first Valentine’s as a couple and I had built up this idealised version in my head of what it was supposed to be like. I don’t think it would have mattered what you did, the day would never have lived up to my unrealistic expectations. I’m sorry for how I behaved. I kind of let my inner wolf out a little bit.”

 

“I don’t mind your inner wolf coming out from time to time,” Sirius teased, prompting a mischievous grin to spread across Remus’s face.

 

“Peter told me about the photo shoot you two did as well.”

 

“Oh Merlin,” Sirius groaned, rolling his eyes dramatically. “Those photographs really were awful. I’m glad that you never saw them.”

 

“Well...maybe we could conduct our own little photo shoot session sometime?” he suggested with a sultry note in his voice. “I’ll be the photographer and you can be my model.”

 

Sirius grinned broadly. “Oh, I’d like that.”

 

Sirius was tempted then to abandon his visit the Come and Go Room altogether and whisk Remus off to the boys' dormitory instead, but he resisted his base instincts and stuck with his original plan.

 

“But before we do that, I have something to show you.”

 

Reluctantly, he stepped away from Remus towards the blank wall opposite. Remus watched curiously as Sirius closed his eyes and paced back and forth three times. Just as he was about to ask what on earth he was doing, his eyes widened with surprise as a large wooden door materialised on the wall. Sirius grabbed the door handle and beckoned Remus over.

 

“I thought long and hard about what the perfect present for you would be—flowers, chocolates, poetry—but nothing can come close to describing how I feel about you. And the one thing I wish that I could give you is impossible. But for one night at least, we can make the impossible...possible.”

 

As Sirius threw the door open, Remus peered inside and gasped.

 

Inside was no room of normal dimensions, but a vast field of moonflowers that stretched out as far as the eye could see. The flowers shone a luminescent blue under the silvery light of a full moon, which hung like a great crystal ball in the inky black sky. When Remus caught sight of the full moon he instinctively flinched and tried to back away, but Sirius quickly grabbed hold of his hand.

 

“It’s alright Remus!” he assured him. “It’s not the real moon, it’s just an enchantment.”

 

Remus cautiously lingered at the doorway for a few moments before allowing Sirius to pull him further into the room, his eyes transfixed and unblinking on the great moon in the sky. Sirius closed the door behind them which was carved into the trunk of a giant oak tree.

 

“So, what do you think?” he asked.

 

“It’s so real,” breathed Remus. “It’s beautiful.”

 

“I know, right?” Sirius chuckled. “Come on, I found a perfect spot down here for us to set up our picnic.”

 

They wandered down the sloping hill, wading through the tall grass and flowers that swayed and bowed in waves with each gust of wind. As the ground began to plateau out, Sirius came to a stop and sat the picnic basket on the grass. With the flick of his wand, a large, checkered blanket flew out of the basket and laid itself flat on the grass, quickly followed by an assortment of sandwiches, pastries and a large flask of butterbeer.

 

“Did you make this picnic up yourself?” asked Remus, sitting down cross-legged on the blanket.

 

“Mimsy helped me. She made some more of that chocolate shortbread as well,” said Sirius, kneeling on the blanket next to Remus. He rummaged through his pocket for a moment and pulled out the cassette tape that Remus had made for him. “Fancy some music?”

 

There was a loud _pop_ and, suddenly, a large portable cassette player appeared on the edge of the blanket. Sirius and Remus grinned at each other.

 

“This room is awesome,” Remus laughed. “How did you find it?”

 

“Regulus showed me,” Sirius explained, popping the cassette tape into the player and pressing [play](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u1z4vkPWkLQ&list=PLvgVesiL2ceycoJH_QHbMvNU45xdfhp-y). Remus raised his eyebrows in surprise.

 

“Regulus?” he asked. “Are you two talking again?”

 

“It would seem so.”

 

Remus smiled. “I’m glad. I know that you’ve missed him…”

 

He fell silent as the music began to play and Sirius began to sing completely off-key, _“If the sun refused to shine, I would still be loving you! When mountains crumble to the sea, there will still be you and me!”_

 

Remus grimaced. “I love you dearly, but please stop.”

 

Sirius barked out a laugh and shrugged. “I’m so tone deaf that even this magical room can’t make me sound any better! Fair enough, I’ll leave it to the experts.”

 

They sat and enjoyed their picnic, chatting about everything and nothing in particular as the moon soared through the neverending night sky. Remus couldn’t stop himself looking at it time and time again, its opaque white light shining in his eyes, and Sirius couldn’t stop himself looking at Remus, marvelling at the contented expression on his face. Once they’d had their fill of food and drink, they lay back on the blanket, hand in hand, staring up at the sky above.

 

“I haven’t been able to look at the full moon with human eyes for a long time,” Remus mused. “I’d almost forgotten what it looked like.” He turned to Sirius with a serene smile. “Thank you for this.”

 

“My pleasure,” said Sirius. “So...have you forgiven me yet?”

 

“Not quite,” Remus teased, sliding his hand around the back of Sirius’s neck and pulling him closer. “But you’re getting there.”

 

When Remus pressed their lips together Sirius felt the world fall away, his focus narrowed to Remus’s hand languidly playing with the hair on the back of his neck, the velvety heat of Remus’s tongue brushing against his own, the way Remus’s breath hitched when Sirius gave his arse an appreciative squeeze...

 

A loud rustling noise came from the wicker basket and, a moment later, a rabbit’s head popped out, taking in its new surroundings. Eyeing the abandoned picnic, the rabbit hopped out of the basket, sunk its teeth into a cheese sandwich, and hightailed it through the long grass and out of sight. Remus and Sirius, however, paid it no mind, too lost in each other’s arms and lost amongst the moon and stars to care.

 

Sirius Black was many things: a failed poet, a terrible baker and an even worse singer. He wasn’t the best brother or boyfriend in the world, but he was trying his damnedest to be better at both. He had been accused of being a bit of an insensitive git at times—and he would be the first to admit that was true—but above all else, he was unabashedly crazy in love with one Remus John Lupin. And by some miracle, Remus loved him right back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because I'm extra, I created the playlist that would be on the [mixtape](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u1z4vkPWkLQ&list=PLvgVesiL2ceycoJH_QHbMvNU45xdfhp-y):
> 
> Led Zeppelin - Thank You
> 
> The Rolling Stones - Wild Horses
> 
> Pink Floyd - Pigs on the Wing
> 
> Velvet Underground - I’ll Be Your Mirror 
> 
> The Ramones - I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend
> 
> The Who - Love, Reign O'er Me
> 
> Emerson, Lake & Palmer - From the Beginning
> 
> The Moody Blues - Nights in White Satin
> 
> Alice Cooper - You and Me
> 
> The Beatles - Something


End file.
